R A D I O C R I T Y

TEY - “THAT’S HOW I FEEL TONIGHT”

“MUSIC is a TRUE part of my SOUL. Its not ONLY what I WANT to do, IT IS WHAT I MUST DO.” - Tey Punsalan

Why do these people make these sounds?

From the liner notes

“‘Looking For a Real Love’ is a four-four time dance tune that melds elements of electronica into a platform that Cher or Madonna would feel comfortable performing; the difference that makes the effect of the music unique is the treatment that Tay Punsalan effects in her vox. she handles the emotive arrangement with a delicacy that is not redundant or pretentious. This cannot be said of the former or the latter.”

Who listens to Tey? Why? Are her parents proud of her?

This is the video for the song. It is brilliant.

Official Website: http://teymusic.com
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/teypunsalan (The first thing that plays on her MySpace is pretty great).

TRAILER CHOIR - “OFF THE HILLBILLY HOOK”

It’s not even that this music is stupid, or that it joyously pig-in-it’s-own-shit perpetuates stereotypes. TRAILER CHOIR is a testament to the power of suits behind music. These folks are touring behind Toby Keith, filling the ears of tens of thousands of people in arenas across the country every night.

And I’m sure that a lot of the audience members dig it. I’m sure a lot of them think it sucks too, and is a mockery of their beloved genre. But I was presumptuous to think Toby Keith was legit or something. I thought to check out his myspace and he sucks too, a lot. In any case, a lot of people want to be off the hillbilly hook. They can’t wait to “rock the beer gut,” Bud held high, trucker cap spinning around on their head like a backwoods sparkler.

When will it be cool to rock the beer gut? Can you imagine azn hipster girls with beer guts? When will trucker hats stop being cool? When will Ashton Kutcher be cool again?

When will Trailer Choir play Coachella?

I am waiting for the Trailer Choir green screen contest.

Official Website: http://www.trailerchoir.com
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/trailerchoir

RIN’ - “ANTI HERO”

Okay, on paper this sounds a teensy bit interesting: three Japanese girls combining traditional Japanese instrumentation with modern “pop” music.

U=Then you see this show up in your mailbox:

I feel like this cover art is suck. I totally feel like I am doing something illegal when I look at it. What was the concept for this cover art? Sex sells? Maybe. Even when “sex” is “three…youthful Japanese ‘sakuras’ in a somewhat compromising nude and…penetrable camraderie?”

The music is totally bland and awkward: the Japanese instrumentation is forced into the context of modern music and it sounds silly more than anything. It sort of sounds like bad Sade with funny noises. There is no doubting the girls’ talent as musicians, but the project as a whole is 100% boring and the cover art makes it a whole new kind of ridiculous.

The track I upped is hardly the worst song on the record. It may actually be the best, as it is shorter than most of them and is catchy sort of. But the catchiness lies in the cheesy music (particularly the Japanese instrument that follows the singing) and dummy-fairy-tale lyrics. Apparently Lisa Loeb sings on this song. I guess she neeed a new pair of glasses.

Official Website: http://www.domo.com/Rin
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/rinnetwork

RABID - “LIFE IN RUIN”

I don’t know anything about RABID other than that they have two albums out and they like Jesus.

The cover art from their most recent release “Rabbit Foot Stew” reflects this.

More seriously, how disconnected from reality do you have to be to place that ugly mess on some thousands of CDs? Are you trying to make sure people don’t listen to your music? The art was apparently done by “Michael Lang Illustration” which Google has no record of. Is Michael Lang an angsty 12 year old furry? Like, not only is the illustration really odious, it has nothing to do with the music. I concede there is a song about a rabbit, I think. Is there simply no thought put into the relationship between an album’s cover art and the music therein?

Also, you may notice that the “A” in “RABID” is printed in a smaller font size then the other letters, presumably as a stylistic choice and not just a goof (not that it wouldn’t be par for the course). Perhaps that is the work of “Ferguson Design Studio” whose ground-breaking design skills must have cost an arm and a …foot. O, green handwriting slanty font. O, breath of fresh air.

This album is pretty much entirely bland, like stale bread but without mold. This album is not interesting enough to be moldy. Most of the songs are as uninteresting as you may expect given that first image, but the song I picked happens to be both boring AND totally poor as music. I feel like it is very hard to say when music is “bad” but there are certain songs that get so dangerously close to that extreme that one feels just about everyone would probably agree that the song is really awful. It’s like a car driving stupidly close to the edge of a narrow mountain road, and everyone agrees says “Hey broham stop it” and he laughs in your face and keeps driving anyway. I mean, I’m sure some dude would think that said broham was a total badass. But most people would agree that he was making a poor life decision.

Official Website: None.
Myspace: http://myspace.com/rabidskull

BONUS QUOTE PULLED DIRECTLY FROM THE LINER NOTES: “This album is dedicated to the knowledgeable few that understand rabbits and other cuddly little creatures are actually in disguise, and furthermore, that their purpose is to serve some alien life form in collecting information for the ruin of mankind and the planet. I can not [sic] count the many times I have relished in the desire to club a seal, kill a bunny for the four oh so lucky feet, or skin a penguin for the suit. I mean, I’d really, really love a pair of penguin slippers. Bambi? It’s what’s for dinner. But alas, I find the future to be so utterly loathsome. Surely, it is they that will get me before I get all of them. - Brett [vocals]”

printed directly under this: “RABID extends special thanks to Jesus”

:’(

O lord.

-ITIS - “AZZ GO BOOM”

-itis formed in Orange County, California 14 years ago. They have put out 11 albums of material, and a four-hour long DVD of presumably enthralling live footage. Eleven albums. That is more than 100 banal songs. They play 200 shows a year. TWO HUNDRED. Nevermind that they usually play five nights in a row at smalltown bar, Midwestsville.

Their most recent album hit my desk about a few months ago. Its title comes from that most righteous of freeway off-ramps, Exit 420.

The seventeen songs touch (unsubtly) on such topics such as drugs, masturbation, “the man,” and more drugs.

Here we have the album closer “Azz Go Boom.” It is a rock and roll slash rap song in the vein of early 2000s nu-metal hits like Limp Bizket’s cover of “Faith.” I try to imagine the setting in which the song was written: how much marijuana went into the song’s genesis? What is the joint-to-song ratio?

Are you the number one -itis fan? Do you make “[azzes] go boom?” Is this song sexy? Will you play it loud while touching yourself in the mirror? I bet -itis would appreciate that sort of proactive reactionary activity.

Don’t forget to check out their (totally original) merchandise.

Official Website: http://itisrocks.com
Myspace: http://myspace.com/itisrocks